feeling a little bit terrible
I can’t stop thinking about how little they cared and how little i mattered to them and the places they touched me are secretly foiled (only I know.) You don’t understand. I didn't mean anything for a few minutes. my heart didn't matter. I don’t think anyone in the world knew where I was right at that moment. I disappeared. I'm not sure if we get anything but the people in our lives. I'm not sure if there's a higher power who cares and even if there is, if that ‘caring’ has the power to help me in any way. Not here, not lying alone in my bed and not lying in anyone else’s bed, either. I have the feeling that if you let yourself get there, or even if somebody pulled you there against your proper will,
the people in beds are off the radar and nothing can help them except themselves, and there won’t be a divine intervention for them. You might be ripped limb from limb and maybe all you’ll get is a God who is watching from somewhere far away, silently ‘caring’. I know how cynical this is. I'm not trying to be cynical, I’m trying to understand. I don’t want to live my life waiting for intervention or divine consequence that won’t ever happen. If there is any kind of spiritual world, any kind of afterlife, I think we must have made it ourselves. If you retreat too far inside yourself, maybe that’s what hell is. And maybe Heaven is meeting up with everyone else who loves you, because they were all too big for their bodies, too.
sophie22 May 27, 2015 02:05PM